Donald Trump Toilet Paper

We’re Down to Our Last Roll – 4

Shelter-in-place observations. An ongoing chronicle of the plague.

3/25 Today was the first time I ever washed a banana.

I suppose it was a bit paranoid. I had watched the guy at the grocery store unloading bananas from the shipping carton into the bin, and he was wearing blue vinyl gloves. But who knows who put them into the box? Who knows what other customer handled them before I got there? How long can this virus live on a banana, anyway? Probably longer than I can. Apparently, it can survive up to 24 hours on cardboard.

*

Half Moon Bay Distillery was giving away 170 proof ethanol, BYOB, limit half quart per person.

That’s what I was told, but what I heard was Half Moon Bay Brewing Company, for that is where I used to drink before draft beer became a memory. And so I went to HMB Brewing Company and was told that no, they were not giving away alcohol, but HMB Distillery was.

That’s what I was told, but what I heard was Moss Beach Distillery, for we used to dine there, years ago. And so I drove two miles to Moss Beach, and at the Distillery I was told that no, they were not giving away alcohol, but HMB Distillery was. I finally found the right place, a large shipping garage where all the streets come together in Princeton.

In the middle of the concrete floor, a large silver colored vessel that looked like a coffee urn sat on a small table. A divine chalice dispensing holy water. I stood in awe for a moment. The priest, a friendly bearded chap with blue eyes, was overseeing everything while standing twelve feet back. He invited me to fill about half of my Rubbermaid bottle. I was wearing the blue gloves that Burt sent me, so I did not hesitate to grasp the handle.

I was careful to wash everything down with disinfectant when I got home, and then I incinerated my clothing.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *